Christmas Shananigans

One the second day of Christmas.....


EPOV

“Boys! Is that you? I need you all to go to the shed in the backyard and get every single Christmas decorations,” mom yelled as we came in the front door.

We all groaned in unison.

“Oh, don't take that tone with me. If you all work together, you'll be done in an hour.”

I sighed. All I wanted to do was take a nap and then go online and look at possible Christmas presents for my girlfriend, Bella. We'd been together since she moved to Forks during our Sophomore year. I wanted to get something to symbolize it since we became official around this time of year.

It took our whole group, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice to get Bella and I to actually get over our shyness and make a move. We were never more grateful for that, not that they let us forget that fact. Ever.

“Guys she's right. Let's just get this over with. I have stuff to do,” I said moving towards the back door.

“Ooh Eddie is going to wank off to the magazine he-”

He didn't get much farther when I tackled him to the ground. So what that Bella and I have never had sex or done.. other stuff. We weren't in any hurry to do that stuff. Once Emmett found out about it he never missed a chance to embarrass the hell out of us.

We rolled around and both got some punches in when Jasper pulled me off of him.

“Guys! Enough. Let's just get the stuff and make mom happy, okay,” Jasper said looking at us throughly to make sure we were done.

We nodded and followed him to the shed.

I gave him the key to the shed so he can unlock it. Once the door was open little bugs flew out at us. I started swatting them away when I heard a girlish scream.

Turning around, I saw my muscle buff brother flailing in circles while screaming and trying to get away from the bugs.

I laughed.

“Emmett, seriously? You're scared of bugs. Ha wait till Rosalie hears about this.” I said with a snicker.

“Shut up, douche bag. Bugs are gross and can lay eggs on your face or hair. The joke's on you buddy, she already knows my fears,” Emmett stated while flinging the last bug away and sticking his tongue out at me.

“Yeah Emmett, real mature,” I rolled my eyes and moved to the doorway of the shed.

The twenty by twenty-five foot shed was filled to the roof with boxes of stuff we hadn't used since we were little kids.

“Holy shit! Mom wants us to go through all that in an hour? Is she crazy?!” Emmett bellowed. “This is so not taking just an hour.”

“Suck it up, Emmett,” Jasper said from inside. “It's going to take longer if you keep talking. Get your ass moving.” Emmett pouted but reluctantly moved inside as well.

I shook my head.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
2 Hours Later

We were finally making a good start. After coming up with a plan instead of just randomly opening boxes and making more of a mess, we decided to only open the boxes labeled with 'Christmas' on it. Easy right? Well not when the labels were faded or missing.

That's where plan B came in.

There were roughly thirty-six boxes, which meant if we divided them up we were each left with twelve to sort through. Twelve fucking boxes filled with decorations, yard tools, and hell knew what else.

“Oh fuck yeah!” I heard Emmett shout as I was busy unpacking my fourth box. I swore we had too much shit.

I turned around to see what he was talking about, and saw that he was holding his Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots.

“Wow! I haven't seen that since I was like seven years old. Why is it in here?” he asked with a look of confusion.

Jasper laughed.

“Mom and dad had to put it away because you and Edward kept fighting over who was winning and claiming the other cheated.” Now that he mentioned it I remembered. Emmett was really cheating, so when I still won he acted like I was the one cheating.

“Hey!” I yelled. “I wasn't cheating. Emmett was just mad that he was cheating and I still won. He kept trying to distract me and I wouldn't fall for it.”

Emmett glared at me.

“I didn't cheat. I was just making conversation.” I snorted. “Oh whatever. At least my toy was more awesome than your wannabe magic cape.”

“It was more than a cape, jackass. It was Eddie's Deluxe Magic Set! You were just jealous that I had one and you didn't.” I loved that set. It had the linking rings, tapered cards, the thumb tip, crystal coin case, my favorite, the multiplying ball, and a lot more.

I was going to say more when I noticed that Emmett was missing. I felt movement behind me, and suddenly I was being tied up. My fucking brother was tying me up with Christmas lights! I couldn't move my shoulders because he was holding them to his body.

“What the hell Emmett? Let me go!” I continued to struggle but it was no use. The strings were too tight and I didn't want to break the lights.

“I'll let you go when you admit my robot toy is better than your precious magic”, he said in a condescending voice.

“Seriously, Emmett? You're going this far because I don't like your toy?” I shook my head and snorted. “Real mature, asshole.”

“Well are you going to say it?” he asked while pulling roughly on the string of lights, knocking me on my ass.

“This is stupid. Of course I'm not going to say anything.”

“Then you're staying wrapped up.” Ugh. Sometimes I really hated being the youngest brother.
Wait.

Where's Jasper?

“Jasper!” I yelled out. “Save me from the abominable doofus.” I laughed. That was pretty good.

Slap.

“Ouch! What the fuck, Emmett? That shit hurts,” I groaned. Now I'm going to have a headache from getting slapped in the back of the head with his giant bear claw.

“Well.. yeah that's what you get for being mean.” And once again he stuck his tongue out at me.

Before he had a chance to close his mouth, I spit towards his face and made a direct hit.

“Fuck! That's freakin sick, Edward. Yuck,” Emmett said while spitting and wiping his face.

Just as he was going to retaliate, Jasper intervened.

“Ho, Ho, Ho. You two boys have made it onto the Naughty List. Shame on you,” he said in a deep gravely voice.

Emmett and I looked up to see Jasper dressed as Santa Claus. You can't even tell was him with the huge jacket, wig, and beard.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing? Why are you wearing that? You know there could be bugs in there,” Emmett stated which caused Jasper to throw the fake hair and hat to the ground and scrubbed his face.

“Yuck I didn't think about that. Anyways, guys check out what I found,” Jasper said while carefully digging into the jacket's pockets.

As soon as his hands popped out, flames exploded. Emmett and I stepped, or well I hopped backward a few steps.

“Holy shit! Isn't that dad's antique lighters?” Emmett asked.

“Yeah”, I agreed. “Wait why would they be in the shed? Dad takes great care of them.”

I looked to Jasper who was wearing the face of someone who had a secret.

“Spill it, Jasper. What do you know?”

“Well... I just happened to find these fine lighters in the Santa suit right next to this package.” We all turned to see what he held in his hands. A package of Marbolo Cigarettes.

We all muttered “fuck”. Mom made dad quit a few years ago. First, the scent is gross and secondly is that cancer runs in the family. If he kept smoking, he raised the risk of developing the cancer cells.

We huddled together trying to figure out where to hide it. We didn't want to run the risk of mom finding them before we had a chance to talk to him about it.

Just as we were about to hide them and put it under the shed, we heard steps right behind us.

“Boys, what is taking so long?” Mom asked. We sighed and slowly turned around.

She took in our somewhat guilty faces and put her hands on her hips and giving us her mom glare.

“What are you hiding?”

“I'm innocent! I don't know what they're doing,” Emmett yelled while selling us out.

“Emmett!” Jasper and I yelled at him.

While we were distracted, mom grabbed the folded cloth holding the lighters and smokes. When she saw what was in there, her glare turned harder.

“Boys, inside. Now.” And with that she turned around and marched inside.

Jasper and Emmett both ran inside and left me. Outside. Still tied up in the Christmas lights.

“Hello?!” I called out. “I'm still stuck outside!”

After a few minutes, I gave up and tried to hop to the back door. I must've tripped on the extra string, when suddenly I'm looking up at the darkening sky.

“I'm going to be in big trouble,” I stated to myself. There was no way I was getting up without any help.

“Edward! Get your ass inside, NOW. I will not repeat myself!” Oh fuck. Mom is super pissed.

I'm was going to kill Emmett and Jasper.

Merry Christmas to me.